Chasing Akane
by JDHGamer
Summary: Based off of View Askew's Chasing Amy. A Hybrid of the Ranma universe, the View Asknewvise, and a few things of my own. Rated PG-13 for mild language and lots of "crude" humor.
1. Part 1

Chasing Akane By JDHGamer, based upon Ranma ½ and View Askew's: Chasing Amy  
  
Author's Notes: Please note that the characters in this fan fiction are out- of-character most of the time, but are, as you will find as you go further and further into this fan fiction, based, at least partly, upon the characteristics and back stories of the original characters. However, some characters seem to bare absolutely no resemblance at all, however because of this their characters (hopefully) are more funny. Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton are characters created by myself and a girl who could be considered a co-writer of this fic, based in this case off of Jay and Silent Bob, however they will appear in future fan fictions that I release as simply Dimi-Chan and Juton. They are based on the co-writer and myself respectively. By the way, the co-writer's author-name is Dillim. Okay, some other stuff, for one Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton play a larger role then their "counterparts" in Chasing Amy, for various reasons chief among them being that this is their introduction. On one more note this fan fiction is based on the original screenplay of the film, and may include scenes that were either deleted or in some cases were never so much as filmed. Some of these scenes I removed myself, but others I kept in because I knew how to make them funny or because I could add another Ranma ½ character into it. Also, there is one scene, although not in this first part, that has a memorable moment from the original movie removed. The reason for this is because I couldn't really make it fit into the "Ranmafication" of the movie, plus I'm doing a rewritten version with all the heavy curse words replaced with minor ones so I can make this PG-13 and it'll be viewable by default. Please note, however, there is still some STRONGLY sexual humor in this fiction-however since it's mostly innuendo, I think it's acceptable for a PG-13 audience. Plus-you've been forewarned. lol  
  
Script terminology Notes: EXT. stands for Exterior (meaning an outdoor setting) and INT. Stands for Interior (as in an indoor setting).  
  
And on a final note, I'm going to tell you about two characters and who they represent from the original film, because it can be slightly confusing. All the other characters, however, should be obvious to anyone who's seen the film, and to anyone who hasn't, hell it shouldn't matter to them. lol  
  
Akane=Holden Ryouga=Banky  
  
Although there are occasions when Akane does slip into Aleysa's role and vice-versa, but one again, not in this first part.  
  
Now, please sit back and relax as I bring you: Chasing Akane-Part 1  
  
EXT. Quick-E Manga  
  
Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton stand in their usual spots, having no idea what's going on inside the shop. Not like they care or anything, anyway.  
  
Dimi-Chan (to a passer-by entering the shop): Yo! Wazzup dude?! Nice Card Captor Sakura dress!!  
  
The GUY Heads through the entrance, not bothering to make eye contact. Dimi-Chan (to Juton): Man, there sure are a lot of transvestite cos-players at Quick-E-Manga today, more than usual. It's almost like they're having a Manga convention or something...  
  
INT. Manga Convention signing booth Inside Quick-E Manga-Day  
  
The guy from outside, you know, with the dress? Well, he leans forward, smiling.  
  
Transvestite Fan: Could you sign it "To a really huge fan"?  
  
Akane sits at a table. Across from the cross-dressing cos-player fan. She offers him a patronizingly kind, half-smile in return.  
  
Akane: Yeah, sure.  
  
We're obviously at a Manga show, and specifically a signing. Behind Akane is a large banner, that says "Akane Tendo & Ryouga Hibiki-Creators of 'Baka and Hentai'". Beside it is a large mock-up of the Manga cover which features two vaguely familiar neighborhood lemon readers. Akane hands the manga back to the fan.  
  
Trans. Fan: I love this book! This stuff's awesome. I wish I was like these guys. I mean-yeah, I read lemons all the time but I don't fight super villains at the same time-or even separately for that matter.  
  
Meanwhile, Ryouga signs the manga of another collector  
  
Collector: So you draw this?!  
  
Ryouga (signing the manga): I ink it, color it, and I draw all the pigs, but we both came up with the characters.  
  
Collector: What's that mean.-you "ink it"?  
  
Ryouga: You see, Akane draws the pictures in pencil, and then she gives it to me to go over in ink.  
  
Collector: So you just trace?  
  
Ryouga freezes up. After recomposing himself, he continues signing.  
  
Ryouga: It's not tracing. I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. Only then does the image really take shape.  
  
Collector: You go over what she draws with a pen-that's tracing.  
  
Ryouga: Look, even if that were true-which it's NOT!!...Even then, I still actually draw all the pigs and I add color.  
  
Collector: Color?! Dude, only the manga cover is in color!  
  
Ryouga: Yes, but that's the part that catches the attention of a potential reader. And as I said before, I draw ALL the pigs. (He hands the manga to the collector) Next!  
  
A little kid steps up but the collector lingers  
  
Collector: Hey, kid. If somebody draws something and then you draw the same thing right on top of it, not going outside the designated original art, what is that called?  
  
Little Kid (shrugs): I don't know. Tracing?  
  
Collector (to Ryouga): See?  
  
Ryouga: It's not tracing.  
  
Collector: Oh, but it is.  
  
Ryouga: I draw the pigs. (to the kid) Do you want your manga signed or what?  
  
Collector: Hey-don't get all testy with us just because you've got a problem with your station in life.  
  
Ryouga: I'm secure with what I do.  
  
Collector: Then just say it-you're a tracer.  
  
Little kid (grabbing the manga back): I don't want you to sign it, I want the girl who draws it to sign it. You're just a tracer.  
  
Collector: Tell him, little guy.  
  
Akane accepts a manga from another fan.  
  
Akane (off comic): Who do I sign it to?  
  
Before Akane can finish, a loud crash is heard. She looks to her left and freaks. Ryouga is throttling the collector from behind the table. The collector attempts to fight him off.  
  
Ryouga: I draw the freaking pigs you son of a bitch!!  
  
Security Guards attempt to pull them apart. Akane grabs Ryouga.  
  
Collector: What the hell?! All I did was call him a tracer!  
  
Ryouga: I'LL TRACE A CHALK LINE AROUND YOUR DEAD FREAKING BODY, YOU ASSHOLE!  
  
Akane (to security guards): Could you get him out of here?!  
  
The security guards drag the collector away.  
  
Collector: Hey, wait a sec! He jumped me! And you're dragging me away?! (exiting) Freaking tracer!  
  
Ryouga: YOU'RE MOTHER'S A TRACER!!  
  
Akane: You draw some really good pigs, Ryouga.  
  
Ryouga: I tried explaining that to him, but the asshole wouldn't listen!!  
  
Akane: Well, I should remind you now-curtains in...(checks watch) ten minutes.  
  
INT. Back room normally reserved for hentai mangas, converted into a convention lecture hall-day  
  
Soun fills the frame. He comes off as a not-so-typical pro-yaoi, anti- straight gay Asian guy.  
  
Soun: For years in this industry whenever a gay character-hero or villain- was introduced, usually by straight artists and writers-they got slapped with homophobic names that singled them out as gays: Pack-Man, Rectal Boy, just to name a couple.  
  
We're at a panel discussion. The room is full, save for two seats which Akane and Ryouga walk over to and sit down on. Anyway, five creators sit at a long table, their names on cards in front of them. One of them is a red- haired girl; another is a heavy-set man wearing a bandana over his head pirate-style. The banner behind them reads "Minority Voices in Manga"  
  
Soun (hold up manga): Now my manga, "Taoheye the Yaoi", doesn't have any of that bullcrap. The hero, of course, is Taoheye. He's a descendant of the gay tribe that established the first society EVER on the planet, while all you straight motherfreakers were still hiding in caves and crap, all terrified of the sun.  
  
Girl in Crowd: How could they survive if they were a "gay" tribe?  
  
Soun: Shut up you homophobic bitch! (pause) Anyway, he's a strong role- model that a young gay reader can look up to. I'm tellin' you, there aren't enough significant gay characters in mainstream anime and manga.  
  
Ryouga (standing up): What about Kaoru from Evangelion? Wasn't he gay?  
  
Soun: Yeah, but just as soon as he was getting close to Shinji, Shinji had to go and follow his asshole father's wishes to kill him because he was one of those freaking Angel things!  
  
Ryouga: And Shinji was gay too, wasn't he?  
  
Guy in crowd: Shinji's not gay!!  
  
Soun: Yeah, right!! When he was in Rei's apartment, and she came out of the shower all naked and he fell on top of her, what did he do? NOTHING! If he was in anyway straight, he would've taken advantage of the situation.  
  
Guy in Crowd: He was just fourteen years old, a confused teenager with self- confidence issues!  
  
Soun: Yeah, sure believe what you will. But he lived in that apartment with a girl that any straight man would consider to be hot, in fact-one hot girl and one hot woman. Sure, one was a total bitch, and one was drunk half the time, but he could've rapped one and taken advantage of the others drunkenness. And he never did! If that doesn't make him gay, I have no idea what does, and I should be an expert being one myself!! And in any case, that doesn't change the way he was portrayed, which is, as you mentioned a confused boy lacking any self-esteem.  
  
The first guy sits down, but another guy stands up.  
  
Another guy: What about the lemons? Shinji has Asuka, Rei, Misato, and sometimes all of them at once!!  
  
Soun: So...there are lemons of a similar nature involving Shinji and Kaoru, and sometimes Touji and Kenji join in the fun!! But in any case, that crap isn't official, so it's beyond the point!!  
  
Soun: In my manga, the gay MAIN character is a man off strength and character!!  
  
Ryouga: Yeah, like that'll sell millions!!  
  
Soun: Huh? Well what about this?!  
  
Soun pulls out a gun.  
  
Soun: DO YOU THINK THIS WILL SELL?!  
  
He shots Ryouga, who collapses. The rest of the crowd runs screaming out of the room, except for Akane, who sits there trying to contain her giggling, and of course Ryouga who's apparently dead.  
  
Soun jumps over the table and raises his first in the air.  
  
Soun; GAY RAGE! GAY RAGE! I'LL KILL ANY STRAIGHT FOLKS I LAY MY MOTHERFREAKIN' EYES ON!!  
  
But the crowd is gone. Akane can no longer contain her self, and starts giggling like crazy. Soun steps off the stage and picks Ryouga's head off the floor.  
  
Soun (breaking character): Such a riveting performance, I think I see some Academy Award Potential in you.  
  
Ryouga: Why do those blanks have to sound so LOUD?!  
  
Soun: I would've added a silencer, but it wouldn't be as potent.  
  
Girl's Voice (from somewhere in the background): But pops!!  
  
Genma: No butts, Ranma! That's my department, not yours!  
  
Soun: Ah, that must be Genma-Chan and his sss-daughter, GENMA- CHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!  
  
Soun glomps Genma.  
  
Ranma's Voice: Must you always call him that?  
  
Akane: Does that voice belong to the aforementioned daughter?  
  
Soun lets go of Genma. Genma takes several deep breaths to get some air.  
  
Genma: Ranma, stop hiding behind me!!  
  
Ranma steps out from behind her father. Akane is suddenly stunned by her beauty.  
  
Ranma looks back at Akane, appraisingly.  
  
Ranma (thought): She's pretty cute, I guess...but why does she have that weird look on her face? Is there something on my face?  
  
Ranma (out loud): Uh...hi...HI!  
  
Akane (snapping out of it): Wha?...oh! Hello.  
  
Akane blushes slightly, Ryouga just looks at her.  
  
Ryouga: So, are you...you know-like your father?  
  
Ranma: In what way?  
  
Akane: I think he means the gay way.  
  
Ranma: Well, sort of...  
  
Akane: Sort of?  
  
Ranma: I'm not exactly sure at this point in my life.  
  
Akane: Okay, fair enough.  
  
Soun: Well then, why don't we celebrate our success at the bar across the street?  
  
Genma: Yeah, I'm starving!!  
  
Soun: No, Genma-Chan, you have to stay here at clean up. Some people just aren't very good at controlling their bodily functions when there's a raving gay man pointing a gun around.  
  
Genma: Damn....  
  
EXT. Quick-E Manga-Night  
  
Dimi-Chan: Yo, Akane-what's up?  
  
Juton: Hi, Akane.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Wow! He's finally acknowledging your presence, at least.  
  
Juton looks down.  
  
Akane: Are you sure he'll be alright?  
  
Dimi-Chan: Oh, don't worry about him, he'll feel MUCH better after tonight.  
  
Ryouga: What do you guys have planned this time?  
  
Dimi-Chan: Oh, the usual-reading through a couple lemons then reenacting them.  
  
Juton looks up and smiles briefly, then realizes what impression that might give and returns to his natural neutral expression.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Oh, c'mon S-Jue! Everyone knows that we're a couple of lemon- heads! Why do you always have to act all ashamed and crap?  
  
Juton looks down again.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Like I said, he'll be in a much better mood. Although he'll probably go back to being like this as soon as we're outside again.  
  
Ryouga: Well, we've gotta get going now.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Yeah, me and Silent Juton-Chan need to get to our hotel room. So many lemons, so little time!  
  
Dimi-Chan drags Juton along while he makes his best attempt at looking reluctant.  
  
INT. Bar across the street  
  
Ryouga: I don't care what you say, Ash and Brook weren't gay lovers!!  
  
Soun: Just look at the show-it's so obvious! I mean, Misty was traveling with them all the time, and never once did he really show any serious romantic interest in her? No! And forget all the lemons, they don't count.  
  
Ryouga: Oh, c'mon!!  
  
Soun: Well, here's some money (hands Ryouga some money), so you can go down to the corner anime store and buy yourself a clue. I'll go with you to make sure you don't get lost.  
  
Ryouga: Yeah, let's go buy all the season boxed sets so I can prove to you once and for all that Ash was all about the pussy. Come on!  
  
Soun (sliding out of the booth): This boy is conflicted, but I shall show him the way. You two just sit tight. This won't take long at all.\  
  
Ryouga and Soun exit, leaving Ranma and Akane alone at the table.  
  
Akane: Well, that was an interesting discussion.  
  
Ranma: Yeah, Soun starts stuff like that all the time. Oh why must my father be a homosexual?! Or could his lovers be just a little more down to Earth?  
  
Akane: Need I say that I'm a homosexual? And that I think Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny had a "thing"? (laughs)  
  
Ranma (a bit confused): Why weren't you on the panel?  
  
Akane: Because I had to watch over Ryouga to make sure he didn't screw anything up. Plus, I'm not very good about writing speeches about my minority group. I also don't write a manga that focuses on lesbian in- particular, although they are a part of the universe-of course! So what were you representing, the red-head minority?  
  
Ranma: Well, my old man was on the panel, and he invited me to go along with him.  
  
Akane (looking to a DDR Max machine): Say, do you play Dance Dance Revolution much?  
  
INT. Bar Arcade  
  
Ranma and Akane are playing DDR and talking.  
  
Akane: You know, most gay people aren't like Soun and your father. Take me, for instance, I'm pretty normal. I mean, I don't really freak people out, well, that is until I tell them I'm a lesbian, anyway.  
  
Ranma: Yeah, well it didn't change my perception too much.  
  
Akane: Our society doesn't seem to condone gay people, it's becoming more accepted, but it's still a bit of a bad thing-mostly due to the western influence of the bible and stuff. I'm not sure if anywhere in it there's something about it being directly wrong, except maybe that adultery part, but that's society's fault, not ours. But my take is that love is love and it shouldn't really matter who it is and what gender they are.  
  
Ranma: And you said you couldn't do speeches very well.  
  
Ranma: But I'll tell you one thing, you DEFINATELY suck at this game.  
  
Akane: That so, huh?  
  
Akane finally shows her true DDR Skillz, but so does Ranma.  
  
Ranma: You think you have faster reflexes than mine? Ha! You've gotta be...you won...  
  
And Ranma "Truly" isn't as skilled as Akane.  
  
Akane: Hey, don't worry, it's only a game. How about next time I let you pick which one we play?  
  
Ranma: Okay, but just remember that. (checks her watch). Well, I've gotta split. Good luck with your manga. (she shakes Akane's hand). Tell Soun I'll call him later, and tell Ryouga to calm down, he's not the only person Soun's engaged in that kind of a conversation.  
  
Ranma exits into the night, Akane stares after her. Soun and Ryouga enter, carrying a huge bag full of Pokemon DVD boxed sets.  
  
Ryouga: You're insane! Ash did not give Picachu a BJ!  
  
Soun: Deny, deny, deny. (to Akane) Where's Ranma?  
  
Akane: Wha? Oh, she left. She said she'd call you later.  
  
Ryouga (off the description on the back of one DVD he has out): When they were alone together in that forest they were devising a plan on how to beat Team Rocket!  
  
Soun: See between the scenes.  
  
Ryouga (shoves DVD at Soun): Screw this! (to Akane) Let's go! (after no response from Akane) AKANE!  
  
Akane (shaken, but not stirred): What?!  
  
Ryouga: Let's go. We need to get back to the Quick-E Manga and pack our stuff up before going back to our apartment.  
  
Akane: You go ahead, I'll catch up.  
  
Ryouga starts going outside.  
  
Akane: It's over there...  
  
Akane points to the place right across the street.  
  
Ryouga: Oh, I knew that!  
  
Ryouga (miraculously) starts heading in the right direction this time.  
  
Soun: You like her, don't you?  
  
Akane: Who?  
  
Soun: Miss Ranma Saotome.  
  
Akane: She's alright.  
  
Soun: As long as that's all. (finishes a drink we didn't even know he had) Maybe you can convince that pig-boy of yours to let you drop me off downtown before you head to your apartment.  
  
After a moment. Akane: Picachu really didn't get a blow job from Ash, did he?  
  
They start exiting.  
  
Soun: Hello no!  
  
Soun: Picachu was James's bitch!  
  
To be continued. 


	2. Part 2

Chasing Akane-Part 2  
  
Author's Notes: Just a couple of script terms that might confuse you C.U. means Close-Up, BG means background, and OC stands for off-camera. Oh, and I apologize to anyone who read the first draft that I released of this chapter. I'll try to be more mindful of some of the more sexual terms that are used, since I'm obviously aiming to make this PG-13 as opposed to R. Now onto the story.  
  
INT. Dimi-Chan and Silent Juton's Hotel Room, the next day  
  
Dimi-Chan is fast asleep, cuddling a pink-haired girl close to her and still holding a whip in her hand.  
  
A maid comes in, sees this, and slowly backs out of the room, grabbing the "Do Not Disturb" door thingy and putting it on the outside of the door...  
  
Maid: They always forget that...  
  
INT. Studio-Day  
  
We're in Akane and Ryouga's Studio/Apartment. It apparently used to be a dojo, from it's....uh...dojo-like appearance. There are various posters on the walls, a little kitchen area, and a big-screen TV, complete with PS2 and DDR Dance Pad. There's a huge comfy couch, and two drawing boards with adjacent desks (littered with pencils, pens, coloring pencils, paints, erasers, etc)-at which sit Akane and Ryouga. They're working. Some J-Pop music plays in the background.  
  
C.U. of Akane penciling. She's drawing Juton in a compromising position with a blank space shaped vaguely like a pig, and Dimi-Chan laughing her ass off in the background, holding a whip.  
  
C.U. of Ryouga just finishing drawing in a pig for the previous page, where Dimi-Chan is just walking in on the situation. After he finishes, he grabs an ink pen and starts tracing over everything.  
  
Akane (looking up briefly to see how Ryouga is doing): That pig I think might be your best-rendered one yet.  
  
Ryouga: It's the one from the farm across the street.  
  
Akane: Looks just like it...except one part looks slightly out-of- proportion. (a beat) But don't worry about that, it makes the image more outrageous.  
  
Ryouga: Uh...thanks, I guess...so, what do you wanna do tonight?  
  
Akane: I haven't thought about it yet.  
  
The phone starts ringing. Akane answers it, while still drawing.  
  
Akane: Hello?  
  
Crosscut between Akane and Soun  
  
He's on a phone in a club.  
  
Soun: Hey, it's Soun. I know how much you guys hate the city, but there's a club shindig going down and I think you'd be interested.  
  
Akane: Where is it?  
  
Soun: At a place called the Half'nHalf. Really nice place, I'm temping there as a bar-keeper.  
  
Akane: Well, I don't know, Sou; we're preping the next issue, and we've got out big Gainax meeting in the morning.  
  
Soun: I told her you wouldn't be interested.  
  
Akane: Told who?  
  
Soun: Ranma.  
  
Akane: Ranma Saotome? The girl from last night Ranma?  
  
Soun: Wow, you began and ended that question with the same word, I'm impressed. Yes, that one. She asked me to invite you. Now here's the part where you say-  
  
Akane: I'll be there.  
  
Soun: You're just so predictable. It's at ten 'o clock, see ya there. (they both hang up)  
  
Ryouga: Who was that?  
  
Akane: Soun. He invited me to a club.  
  
Ryouga: Oh. So when are we leaving?  
  
Akane: "We"? You can't go. He's setting me up with Ranma.  
  
Ryouga: And?  
  
Akane: I don't want you screwing it up.  
  
Ryouga: Like I've ever messed up anything for you before!! (beat) No, wait...I take that back.  
  
Akane: Besides, how are you going to get home if I hook up?  
  
Ryouga: Like that'll happen.  
  
Akane: Let me explain something to you, pig boy, the other night in that bar, we two-Ranma and I shared a moment, alright!  
  
Ryouga (sarcastically): Oh, how sweet-you had a moment!!  
  
Akane (brings her two pointer fingers together): We shared a moment, and in that moment, one thing was made abundantly clear: this girl loves me my friend. Loves-me.  
  
Ryouga: A moment, like that? Playing DDR Max?  
  
Akane: Shut up.  
  
INT. Half'nHalf-Night  
  
It's a club (duh!)-people are mingling, a band is playing. But something's fishy. Soun's tending bar. He hands Juton a Root Beer Float. Dimi-Chan is standing next to him, as usual.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Got the thermos ready?  
  
Juton takes a sip of the float, then with his free hand points to the thermos strapped to his belt, and gives a thumbs up.  
  
Dimi-Chan: You know what to do. And remember: this is necessary to the plot.  
  
Juton nods then walks into the crowd.  
  
Dimi-Chan motions to Soun.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Hit me.  
  
Soun hits her square in the face.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Thanks. That'll feed my masochism fetish for the moment.  
  
With that said, she too walks into the crowd.  
  
Ryouga enters. He sits down at a chair at the bar.  
  
Soun: The usual?  
  
Ryouga: Of course.  
  
Soun quickly mixes up some strange concoction and hands it over to Ryouga.  
  
Soun: So, where's your better half?  
  
Ryouga: Taking a piss. She's got a bladder like an infant.  
  
Soun: Funny, she told me you're hung like an infant.  
  
Ryouga: Must her mother tell her everything?!  
  
Akane enters.  
  
Ryouga: Well, the prodigal dyke has returned!  
  
Akane: Where is she?  
  
Soun: Over there... ON THE DANCE FLOOR-in the middle of a bunch of people-dances Ranma. She's wearing a sparkly red top and a sparkly blue medium length skirt. She's dancing very gracefully and looks very sexy.  
  
Soun (looking oc): Been dancing like that for an hour, non-stop.  
  
They all stare OC.  
  
Akane moves toward Ranma.  
  
Soun: Wait, wait, wait.-there's something you should know.  
  
Akane: She's got a girlfriend? Boyfriend?  
  
Soun: Well...no.  
  
Akane: Then what's there to know?  
  
Akane heads off; Ryouga and Soun watch her go.  
  
Ryouga (after a beat): She didn't really say that about my dick, did she?  
  
ON THE DANCE FLOOR-Akane slips into the crowd and Dances up to Ranma. She intentionally bumps into her.  
  
Ranma: Hey, hey hey-you screwed up my groove!  
  
Ranma's Servant: I'm sorry: You have thrown off Ranma's groove.  
  
Ranma: But enough with the Disney jokes.  
  
Akane: Yeah, you can't make too many of those when Dimi-Chan is around.  
  
Dimi-Chan (from BG): FREAKING PEDOPHILES!!  
  
Akane: Actually, one is usually enough to set her off.  
  
Dimi-Chan (from BG): SCREW YOU MICKIE MOUSE!! DAMN YOU TO BURN IN FREAKING HELL!! AND SCREW MICKY'S PLAY HOUSE TOO!!  
  
Elsewhere, Juton is giving the "It's THAT time of the month" look to the people who are staring at Dimi-Chan's antics.  
  
Back on the stage...  
  
The band stops playing.  
  
The audience claps.  
  
Singer (into the microphone): Thank you. Thanks. (after a pause for the roar of the crow to fade) A long time ago, we used to have a bass player who took off one day to draw funny mangas or something. Maybe you've read some of them, one's called "Two in One".  
  
The crowd applauds, Ranma shakes her head, smiling, Akane pokes her.  
  
Singer: But heh...she used to believe that she could actually sing...that's what the years of therapy were for, I guess. (crowd laughs). Well, for that reason we didn't let her do that, and well now you see how things turned out. Got famous...the biatch.  
  
(crowd laughs again)  
  
Singer: But she's here tonight, and maybe if we beg her enough, she would get up here and treat us to some of vocal stylings. (crowd applauds)  
  
Singer: What do you say, Ranma?  
  
Ranma shakes her head no. The crow urges her. Akane pushes her forward.  
  
Singer: She's a bit shy. (yelling) GET UP HERE AND SING, BIATCH!  
  
The crowd thunders. Ranma offers the singer an embarrassed half-smile. She looks at Akane who claps along with the others and nods toward the stage. Ranma shakes her head once more and relents, heading through the crowd.  
  
Ranma jumps on the stage, hugging the singer. She takes the mic, still shaking her head. The crowd is applauding as loud as ever.  
  
Ranma: Okay. I should dedicate this, right? (thinks) This is for that special someone out there.  
  
Ranma (singing): Here's a scene-an empty, romantic beach You and I are all alone Playful times when we ran holding hands It all goes still Look that's in your eyes-it somehow scares me What is there for us to fear? In the skies...In the seas...In the waves So far away Ah! Don't think I can stand this feeling Just the touch of your hand Can't you see I still need some time? 'Till I'm read for love  
  
(Meanwhile, high above in the rafters [note: this is to establish the timing of when everything happens during the song] Juton is busy trying to get the lid off the thermos and is clumsily thumbling around with it)  
  
Ranma (continuing): As you brush the sand away from my lips Touch me so tenderly We're so close I see myself in your eyes Just where I want to be. (platonic) Let's keep it friends-let's keep it friends for now Come on, promise me. (Platonic) Let's keep it friends-Let's keep it friends for now Even though I love you!  
  
Just as she finishes, hot water drips down just in front of her. (Ranma's eyes are closed, lingering on the final note and the audience just thinks it's some kind of stage effect). Above, Juton makes an "Oh crap!" face.  
  
Then Ranma steps off the stage, and slips on the water, knocking into a table where Dimi-Chan happens to be sitting. She's "accidentally" spills her own thermos on him...wait-HIM?!  
  
Dimi-Chan: Oh-I'm sorry! Let me make it up to you!  
  
Dimi-Chan promptly starts making out with a dazed and confused male Ranma wearing a sparkly red top and a sparkly blue medium-length cut-off skirt.  
  
Up above, Juton rolls his eyes.  
  
Akane's eyes bug. Ryouga allows a smile to creep across his face. The crowd applauds. Ryouga looks around, and sees finally all the people playing around with hot and cold water transforming into various people and animals. At first, Ryouga is confused, then he sees a girl talking to a panda who is literally communicating with signs-he finally realizes what kind of of bar this is-a Junsenkyo Victims Bar!!  
  
Ryouga looks at Akane and slaps her on the back.  
  
Ryouga: Now that, my friend, is a...(brings his fingers together, imitating Akane)...shared moment!  
  
Akane continues to stare-mouth agape.  
  
Ranma and Dimi-Chan are still kissing. Ranma is still VERY confused.  
  
INT. Half'nHalf-Later  
  
Ryouga, Akane, and Ranma sit around a table.  
  
Ryouga: Nyanneechuan, right?  
  
Akane: What are you talking about?!  
  
Ranma: Junsenkyo, spring of drowned girl...  
  
Akane: I thought that was just something they made up for those comics Ryouga reads!  
  
Ranma: I had to get some intense psychological therapy because of all the ways my father screwed me up!  
  
Akane: So what are you? A guy or a girl?  
  
Ranma: I lived more than half my life as a guy. But now I find it's easier to just be in girl form because the only place I USUALLY run into warm water is the shower. (accepts a glass of cold water) Thank you. (Pours it on...herself).  
  
Ranma: I used to run into cold water all the time-well, it's more like it came to me. In any case this is much easier for me, now that I've accepted this body and the feminine side of my personality.  
  
Akane still looks a bit shocked.  
  
Ranma: Look, I'm sorry 'bout this. I wasn't sure you'd believe me if I told you, or that you'd think of me the same way.  
  
Akane: Well, (looks at watch) Look at the time! We've got a meeting with Gainax tomorrow morning, so we need all the sleep we can get. So we'll just be heading out now.  
  
Akane drags Ryouga out of the bar, on the way she bumps into a pink-haired girl.  
  
Akane: Excuse me.  
  
Akane pushes past her, the girl just smiles timidly.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Oh, there you are! What was it this time?  
  
Juton: Broken drinking fountain.  
  
Dimi-Chan: Well, that'll make it easier for tonight. Let's go-Jutina!  
  
Dimi-Chan starts to leave.  
  
Juton (after Dimi-Chan): That's not funny.  
  
"Jutina" exits.  
  
Ranma steps up to Soun, who's still bartending.  
  
Ranma: Akane didn't even ask about that weird girl who kissed me.  
  
Soun: Oh, you mean Dimi-Chan?...she does that all the time.  
  
INT. Gainax Exec's Waiting Room-Day  
  
Akane looks preoccupied. Ryouga is reading the latest issue of a manga entitled "Junsenkyo Twins". It appears to be a hentai manga. ^^  
  
A receptionist types, because that's part of her job.  
  
Ryouga (off Akane's look): You're still dwelling on that nyann, aren't you?  
  
Akane: Lower your voice.  
  
Ryouga: Hey, all she probably needs is the right girl. All every half-girl, half-guy really wants-be it a J-Pop singer, martial artist, a Catholic (pauses, as if dwelling on the catholic part)-is some good rubbing and caressing!  
  
The receptionist stops typing and looks at Ryouga, Shocked.  
  
Ryouga (off her look): Sorry.  
  
The receptionist is suddenly a secretary and she goes back to typing.  
  
The Gainax Exec pops out of his office.  
  
Gainax Exec: Okay, we're ready for you guys now.  
  
INT. Gainax Exec's Office  
  
Exec 1: Well, what we are proposing is a series of half-hour shows.  
  
Akane: But that catch is-?  
  
Exec 2: The main characters need to be deeper. Like what is the reason that Baka doesn't talk so much?  
  
Exec 1: We're thinking some deep-seated angst caused by being abandoned at an early age by his mother.  
  
Exec 2: No, his father. His mother died.  
  
Exec 1: Oh yes, his brother.  
  
Exec 2: Check your hearing aid.  
  
Exec 1: I'm not wearing a band aid.  
  
Exec 2: HEARING AID!!  
  
Exec 1: Oh (adjusts hearing aid). Now what was it about his dead sister?  
  
INT. Gainax Exec's Waiting Room-Moments later  
  
Akane comes storming out of the office with Ryouga just behind her.  
  
Ryouga: I can't believe you just turned those guys down!  
  
Akane: I don't care how much money they're offering-I won't let Hentai be a clone of Baka's dead mother!!  
  
To be continued. 


End file.
